THE FROG AND THE GROG

Chapter 9: Princess Pandemonium

by

Christopher Stasheff

Copyright 2011

 

"We can't let them catch him!" Aelwyn cried.

"What will they do if they kiss him and find he doesn't turn into a prince?" Galben asked.

"They'll catch warts!" Aelwyn answered.

But JoJo, not yet able to waste time on words, streaked off into the woods after the princesses.

Through the forest the young women ran, swerving around massive trees, dodging under low-hanging branches, weaving their way around brambles—all of which slowed them down enough so that Cadavan had half a chance to stay ahead.  Only half a chance, though—they hit a clearing, and the river curved away, so that the bank was a hundred feet distant.  Cadavan hopped for all he was worth, his froggy lungs rasping now, his massive legs painful with the exercise… and slowing.

Two princesses caught him at almost the same time, the twenty-year-old snatching him up and giving her cousin an elbow in the tummy.  "Get back, Loretta!  He's mine!"  She planted a big smacking kiss on the frog's nose.

Cadavan braced himself for the pain, the stretching...

Nothing happened.

"Yuk!  Ptoo!"  The eldest princess wiped her lips and spat.

"Well, what did you expect, Lydia?" asked the eighteen-year-old.  "The thought of kissing a frog is gross enough—but the real thing must be worse!"

"Not that I saw you holding back, Alberta!" Lydia retorted.

"For once, I'm glad I lost."  Alberta folded her arms, watching in amusement.  "Besides, your kiss doesn't seem to have had much effect."

Lydia turned to look and saw the relieved frog hopping toward the river.  "Fraud!" she howled, and caught up a stick, running after the frog.

The other princesses screamed with the rage of dashed hopes and closed in for the kill.

All except Nadia; she somehow managed to outpace her companions, reach the front, and turn, holding up a hand.  "Stop!  It's not his fault!"

"Out of the way, child!" Alberta snapped, and swung an elbow to knock Nadia aside—but something hairy and snarling and dirty swerved in front of them, barking furiously, springing at first one, then another.

The princesses shrieked and backed away.  Then Lydia, recovering, said, "He's only a boy!"

JoJo whirled and sprang at her with a howl.

"No, no, wolf!"  Nadia laid a hand on the boy's head—then realized what she was doing and yanked it back.

JoJo turned, staring at her with huge eyes.

The other princesses fell silent in wonder, watching.

Cadavan, knowing his chance when it happened, hopped toward the river.

The wolf-boy went step-by-step to Nadia, whining deep in his throat.  Greatly daring, she reached out a hand at hip-height.  JoJo thrust his head under her palm, the whining rising in pitch.  Fascinated, Nadia patted his head gently.

Lydia laughed.  "The first time you've seen what a woman's touch can do to a man, cousin?  Don't be surprised—it won't be the last."  Then, to Musa, "Can't you persuade him to wear anything more than a loincloth?"

"Give me time."  Musa stood watching, arms folded.  "Believe me, you've no idea how hard it was to persuade him to wear even that."

Nadia was caressing the boy's head now, marveling at the closed eyes, the blissful expression on his face, amazed that her touch had such power.  "Was he really raised by wolves?"

"Oh, yes," Musa said.

"He knows their language, all twenty barks and growls of it—but he hadn't learned a single word of human language when we found him."

Lydia shuddered.  "A wild, filthy thing full of brambles and fleas!  Don't you dare touch him again, Nadia."

"But he's cute."  Nadia stroked Jojo's head again.  He tilted his chin up for another pat, eyes still closed in bliss.  She asked, "Will you wear a tunic and breeches, just for me?"

The eyes snapped open.  JoJo stared at her, quivering.

"He wants to, for you," Musa explained, "but he's afraid of clothes.  They're confining, you see."

"You could start with a robe."  Nadia looked straight into the wolf-boy's eyes, a kindly sympathetic young woman.  "It would be very loose, and would protect you from the sun."

Dazed, Aelwyn managed to focus on the boy and girl.  How old was she?  Three years older than JoJo?  He was probably thirteen, judging from the way his voice broke now and then when he barked—old enough to be completely infatuated with a kind and beautiful young woman.  The sensations were probably new to him, and as frightening as they were pleasurable.  Aelwyn couldn't help wondering if he would find a she-wolf in heat just as attractive.  Somehow, he doubted it.

Then again, what were the chances of a boy surviving thirteen years of living with wolves?  JoJo had beaten the odds already.

A screech of outrage jolted him out of his reverie.  Lydia was pointing at the river.  "He escaped!  The frog has jumped into the river!"

"So he has."  Another teenager came up beside her.  She hiked up her skirt, but Lydia snapped, "Loretta, don't you even think of wading in after him!"

"Well, if it matters to you that he got away..."

"Who cares?"  Another princess came up beside them.  "He was a fraud frog anyway.  He didn't turn into anything when we kissed him."

"Well… he had big legs…" Lydia said.

"Don't you dare hint that we could have eaten him!  That's worse than a froggy kiss!"

"Food does become an issue."  Galben came up beside them, still rather glassy-eyed, but able to think again.  "What have you young women been eating?"

"Oh, nuts and berries—anything we can find," Loretta answered.

"No meat, though?"  Galben stared, shocked.

"You men and your meat!" Lydia said with scorn.  "It's not really necessary, you know."

"Still," said Loretta, "a good slice of roast venison would be nice, now and then."

Lydia glared daggers at her, but Galben nodded as he turned away.  "I don't know if a deer will present itself, but you can certainly have quails or pheasants tonight."  He jarred Aelwyn with an elbow as he passed him.  "See if you can't get a few cookfires going, will you?"

Aelwyn gave himself a shake, looked about as though surprised to discover where he was, then nodded.  "Surely!"

 

By the time Galben came back laden with game birds, Aelwyn had five cookfires going and the clearing was warm with their light.  He and Galben cleaned and spitted the birds while six of the princesses turned away in disgust and Nadia watched in fascination.  "Is that how birds come to be bare of skin?  I'd thought they came into the kitchens that way."

Galben chuckled at the thought of a naked bird strolling through the kitchen door.  "Not quite, Your Highness—and they don't cook themselves either."

JoJo nosed up beside her, drooling.

"No, lad," Musa said.  "You'll have to learn to eat cooked meat now."

"He does have to live with people, doesn't he?" Nadia asked with the anxiety of a child concerned for a pet.

"He won't want to live anywhere but where you are, now," Musa said, disgruntled at the boy's switching loyalty, "so unless you're prepared to run with the wolves, he will have to learn to behave like a man."

Nadia stroked Jojo's head again, turning thoughtful.  "I suppose he could have kept on with the wolves—but how much longer would he have lived?"

"Once he stopped being a cuddly, cute cub you mean?"  Musa shook her head.  "Not very long, I think."

"That's so," Galben said.  "I've heard of wolf-children, male and female, but I've never heard of one grown."

"Quite," Musa agreed.  "No, I think once they're old enough for the lead wolf to start feeling them as threats, their days are numbered."

"Surely you don't mean the wolves would turn on them!"

"Not kill them, no… but drive them out?  Surely."

"And no wolf can live without a pack around it," Galben said, "except werewolves, of course, but that's another matter altogether."

"Quite," Musa said.  "Only people with rabies, in fact."

"What can that be?" Lydia wondered aloud, staring off to the side.

They turned to look.  At the edge of the clearing, a small keg sat wedged in the fork of a sapling.

"Nothing to concern you."  Aelwyn smiled.  "That's the frog's keg.  It follows him, shows up every night wherever he is."

"A keg that follows a frog?"  Loretta stared.

But Nadia, more practical and young enough so that impossible things weren't, asked, "What does it hold?"

"Wine, usually," Aelwyn answered, "though some nights it's ale.  It was mead once, and another time brandy."

"How odd."  Nadia looked around.  "Do we have cups?"

"We'll whittle some, in time."  Aelwyn dropped his pack and drew out his tankard.  "For now, we'll have to share."

Nadia took the tankard and started toward the keg, but Lydia put out a hand to bar her way.  "Don't you dare!  Who knows what's in it, or where it's been?"

"That's right," Loretta said.  "I'll test it."  She caught the tankard from Nadia and marched toward the keg.

"Don't you dare either!" Lydia called, but Loretta was already turning the spigot.  She sipped, rolled the fluid around her tongue, closed her eyes as she swallowed, then opened them and smiled.  "Wine.  Not a bad vintage, either."

Lydia stared, then turned to Aelwyn.  "Will it hurt her?"

"We've been drinking from it for several nights now, and we're none the worse for wear."  Aelwyn didn't look at her, though—he was gazing at the ground, prowling about.

Lydia frowned, not liking his looking at anything but her.  "What are you doing?"

"Finding a fallen branch the right size."  Aelwyn held up a stick about three inches thick.  "I’ll have seven cups whittled before you know it."

Another princess took the cup from Loretta and sipped, then nodded with a smile.

"I suppose we can drink it," Lydia said with a frown, "but is it red or white?"

"Merlot, I'd say," Loretta answered.  "We'll have to have red wine with our fowl tonight."

The other princess gasped.

"What is it?"  Lydia turned, concerned.

"It just paled.  I think it has turned to rose!"

"As I said," Aelwyn told her, "it becomes what the frog needs."

"Is he dining with us, too?"

Aelwyn stood up, shedding wood shavings, and went to the bank to call, "Cadavan?  Hungry?"

A sated croak answered him: "Hadanuf.  Hadanuf."

"No, I think his taste runs more to flies and crayfish at the moment."  Aelwyn came back, sat down again, and resumed whittling.  "The birds should be done soon."

"Well, I'll have another cup."  The princess took the tankard over to the keg and filled it.  Turning, she asked, "How long will it last?"

"It's never gone dry that I know of," Aelwyn said, "but there weren't so many of us."

"Well, we'll find out tonight."  Determined, the princess took another drink.

And another, and another.  Food helped, but as the dinner progressed, the talk became more and more lively, with laughter and snatches of song.  When Lydia stood, she wasn't terribly steady on her feet, and Aelwyn leaped up to help her.  She swayed toward him, face tilted up and very close as she said, "Sing for us, minstrel."

Aelwyn swallowed and held his head rigid.  "Of course, princess.  What song would you like?"

"A love song."  Her face came closer, her lips moist and parted.  "Make me feel music."

"Oh, leave the man alone, Lydia."  Loretta swayed close on his other side, her face inches from his, her eyes huge and heavy-lidded, her lips full and tempting.  "Would you like to harmonize with me, minstrel?"

Alberta cozied up to Galben.  "Have you always been so big and strong?"

Another princess leaned close on his other side.  "And handsome?"

"Handsome?  Never."  Galben swallowed.  "As to being strong, all young men should play games."

"Of course they should," said Alberta, "and so should young women.  There are games I'd love to learn to play."

"So would I," said the other, "and you're just the man to teach them to us."

Musa glanced down at Nadia, kneeling beside JoJo and petting his head while she watched the bigger girls, spellbound.  "What are you doing?" Musa demanded.

"Taking notes."

A moan echoed through the clearing.  The princesses shrieked and threw their arms around the men, pressing close.  Dahlia ran to join the group with Aelwyn, Elissa to the pair with Galben.  They stared fearfully over their shoulders at the specter that rose from the river.  Hands lifted like vultures' claws, swelling as it drew closer to them.

"It's coming for us!" Lydia screamed.

"No, actually."  Aelwyn disentangled himself and stepped away.  "He's coming for the keg."

"Save me!"  Alberta clung to Galben like a limpet.

"My privilege to do so."  He pried their arms loose and stepped toward the ghost.

The princesses gave a mass scream, except Nadia, whose face showed disgust.

Galben stepped up beside Aelwyn and muttered, "How much of a show do we want to make?"

"None," Aelwyn said.  "Those young women are becoming entirely too friendly."

Galben nodded and drew his sword.

The ghost howled and disappeared.

Galben sheathed his sword.  "Mind you, I was rather enjoying their being friendly."

"Yes, but they're royal, we're common-born, and we don't want to take chances, do we?  I mean, King Edmund might come back to power, and we don't want him angry over the way we've treated his relatives."

"That's so," Galben said, face contorting in torment, "but they'd feel so nice in a man's arms.  Besides, it's not as though I made the advances."

"They may be sultry right now, Galben, with several glasses of wine in them, but how will they feel in the morning?"

"Round and firm."

"Come, you don't mean a word of it!" Aelwyn said.  "They'd hate themselves when they woke—and you, for taking advantage."

"But they've let themselves get drunk," Galben argued.  "Doesn't that mean they're willing?"

"What it means," Aelwyn said, taking a deep breath, "is that they can't make a clear judgment.  If they could, would they flirt with commoners like us?"

"Woman to man?  Yes."

"Princess to vagabond?  No."

"Speak for yourself, minstrel.  I'm a knight."

"And have sworn oaths to protect the weak."

"They don't feel all that weak."

"But they are, if their heads are fuddled with drink.  'No' means 'no,' knight, even if their eyes say 'yes'."

"But they haven't said no!" Galben protested.  "In fact, it's all their idea."

"Which they won't remember tomorrow.  Look there."

Turning, Galben saw Nadia sitting cross-legged, holding out her cup for JoJo to drink; he lapped up the wine that was left, then started licking her hand.  Nadia laughed and said, "No, no, wolf-boy.  With your lips—like this."  She kissed the back of her other hand.

JoJo stared, thunderstruck.

"Would she do that if she were clear-headed?  Believe me, reeve, they can't think straight right now."

"And if they could, they wouldn't find me handsome?"

For answer, Aelwyn nodded toward Lydia.  Looking, Galben saw the giant frog watching from the shadows, only a yard or two from the princesses.  Lydia saw, too, and caught him up with a joyous laugh, then kissed him squarely on the nose.

"Iyuch!"  Galben shuddered.  "I hope she doesn't remember that in the morning."

"Are you discussing the princesses' friendliness?" Musa came up, face glowing with sternness.

"They are affectionate little things," Galben said.

"They won't be if you take advantage of it," Musa said.  "Besides, you would hate yourself in the morning, reeve."

"Perhaps," Galben said, "but I'd love myself right now."

Nadia pushed herself to her feet and wove her way to the keg to fill her cup again.

"Could you take advantage of a child?" Musa demanded.

"The one who's flirting with me isn't a child."

Nadia covered a huge yawn with the back of her hand, then sat down by the keg.  Jojo came over with an anxious whine.  Nadia gave a throaty laugh, reached up to pet him, then fell backwards.  JoJo nuzzled her anxiously.  Her eyes closed and her breathing deepened.

"Passed out."  Aelwyn shook his head.

"She's not the only one."  Galben turned, staring.  "Have a look, minstrel."

All the princesses lay on the soft moss, breathing deeply, eyes closed.  One or two gave dainty snores.

"Well, that takes care of temptation," Aelwyn said with relief.

"Not completely," Galben said, "but this does make it much easier to resist."  He frowned at JoJo, who was lapping up the spillage below the spigot.  "The boy's too young for wine.  What will it do to him?"

Jojo lay down, stretched out, and snored.

"Put him to sleep, too."  Aelwyn frowned.  "Pardon me if I grow suspicious."

He went to the keg and put his ear against it.

"What do you hear?" Galben asked.

"Snoring," Aelwyn answered.  He kicked the keg in frustration.  "The ghost sneaked back in while we weren't watching."

"Probably just as well, tonight."  But Galben was gazing at Lydia’s recumbent form.  The rags of her gown didn't cover much below her knees and revealed more than they hid.

"Don't even think about it, Galben," Aelwyn advised.  "You'd regret it all your days."

"But not my nights?"  The reeve sighed.  "Still, that’s lower than I would ever go, minstrel.  Forget my days—I'd regret right now."

"That's so."  Aelwyn tore his gaze from Loretta's voluptuous form and turned resolutely away.  "Besides, you're sworn to protect royalty, remember?"

"Even from myself?"  Galben grinned.  "True enough, minstrel.  Well, seek your bed.  I'll take first watch—and don't worry, I'll be watching the forest around us, not them."

 

In the morning, the princesses were grouchy and peevish.  A breakfast of cold quail did little good.

"Oh, I can't even look at food!" said Lydia.

"My head's splitting!" said Alberta.

"My stomach roils!" said Loretta.

"What's wrong with them?" asked Nadia.  At her side, JoJo whined concern.

"Too much wine last night," Musa said with satisfaction.

"Wine?"  Aelwyn looked up in surprise.

"They said it was wine, yes," Nadia told him.

"Well, that explains matters," Aelwyn said.  "It was brandy, or I've lost my taste completely."

Galben nodded.  "I thought they knew."

"Brandy, and they were drinking it like wine?"  Musa raised her head.  "No wonder."  She turned to Nada.  "But you, child—why aren't you feeling ill?"

"I only had a taste," said Nadia.  "I didn't like the way it stung."

JoJo watched her with worshipful eyes.

"You did this!"  Alberta stumbled over to the reeve.  "It was your keg!"

"Not mine, but the frog's."

Alberta stared.  "The frog's!  How could that be?"

"I don't know," Aelwyn said, "but it never appeared until he joined me.  Since then, it has found us every night."

"Before the reeve joined you, too?"  Alberta frowned.  "And before the genius?"

Aelwyn nodded.  From the riverbank, Cadavan chirped, " 'At's right 'at's right!"

"Then it's your fault!"  Alberta turned to advance on him, but stumbled and would have fallen if Galben hadn't rushed to her side to catch her elbow.  She gave him a baleful glare, then pressed her hand to her head.

"Drink this."  Aelwyn offered a tankard.

Alberta took and sipped unthinking, then made a face and wiped her mouth.  "Faugh!  What is it?"

"Whatever the keg is dispensing now," Aelwyn said.  "I drank half a tankard last night and woke feeling a little queasy, but one sip of that made me feel much better."

"You didn't tell me it had such a vile taste!"

"Goodforyou goodforyou," Cadavan croaked.

Alberta glanced at him in annoyance.  "What is that creature saying?"

"What do frogs ever say?"  Aelwyn shrugged.

"In this case," Musa said, "he said that the beverage from the keg is good for you."

"It wasn't last night."

"You didn't need a hangover cure last night."

"Hangover?  Is that what's wrong with me?"  Alberta pressed a hand to her head, then looked up in astonishment.  "Not anymore!"

"Cured?" Musa asked.

"It seems so.  I feel fine!"  Alberta rose and  took the tankard to Lydia, who was holding onto a tree with one hand pressed to her forehead.  Alberta made her take a sip, then rushed on to Loretta before she could swallow and start cursing.

"Well, that should take care of it," Galben said.

Aelwyn nodded.  "A few minutes, and they should be quite well.  May even develop appetites."

"Well, there's cold quail for all of them," Galben said.  Then, with regret, "I suppose we should be on our way."

"Where are we going?" Nadia asked.

The two men were silent, and glanced at Musa with appeal.

"This," the genius said, "is not a matter of teaching."

"I don't think you'll want to come along," Aelwyn said, "but let's wait till after breakfast, then discuss it with your sisters and cousins."

"And my aunts," Nadia reminded him.

"Of course."  Aelwyn surveyed the group of young women, some of whom were actually beginning to comb out their hair.  "Which ones are your aunts?"

“Lydia and Alberta."

"No," said Galben.  "We definitely won't forget them."

 

When the princesses had breakfasted, Nadia brought up the subject.  "Lydia, are we travelling with the minstrel and his folk?"

"I’m not sure about the frog."  Alberta eyed Cadavan with mistrust.

Cadavan looked away, squatting on a lily pad—a very wide lily pad—and making a thrumming noise deep in his throat, one that sounded suspiciously like a song.

"We're going to the royal castle," Aelwyn announced.

Cries of shock and horror answered him.  Nadia turned pale.

"We barely escaped from there!' Lydia cried.  "You certainly don't mean to take us back!"

"We don't mean for you to travel with us at all," Aelwyn said, then couldn't keep from saying, "though we'd certainly enjoy it if you did."

Loretta stared.  "You mean you're going to abandon us?"

"Well... I wouldn't say that," Aelwyn said.  "We have our journey to make and you have yours."

"But who will protect us?  Who will provide for us?"

"You've been managing quite well by yourselves," Musa said.

"Look at these filthy rags we're wearing!" Alberta cried.  "And do you know what we've been eating?  Nuts!  Berries!"

"You could catch the occasional pheasant and roast it," Musa said.

"Actually kill something?"  Lydia shuddered.  "Horrible!  And who will protect us from bears and wildcats?"

"JoJo will stay with us."  Nadia stroked the wolf-boy's head.

"That filthy creature, travel with us?" Lydia cried horrified.

Alberta tried a gentler tone.  "Nadia—I know you're thinking of him as a pet, dear, but he is a human being.  In fact, he'll be a man before long."

"What's the matter with that?"

The older women exchanged looks.  "Well, Nadia, he can't even talk—and I suspect he'll act like a wild animal."

"I don't care!"  Nadia's lip thrust out.  "He's mine, and I'm keeping him!"

"Actually, I think he's his own," Galben said.

Nadia jumped up.  "Well, if you don't want the wolf-boy with us, I'll travel with his friends!"

"Oh, no, dear!  A princess with a common minstrel?"

"And a knight sworn to protect her!" Galben reminded, a tad defensively.

"And a genius, to teach the wolf-boy how to behave like a gentleman," Musa added.

"Me too! Me too!" Cadavan croaked.

"Still, that's scarcely proper company for a princess!"

"You were going to have them travel with you!"

"Well… yes."  Lydia exchange a look with Loretta.  "But that's different, Nadia."

"How?  Because there would be more of you than there would of them?  That doesn't matter if we're all on the same side."

"If," Alberta said darkly.

"Nadia, dear."  Lydia came to lay her hand on Nadia's.  "The king's soldiers might put you in jail."

"That's so," Galben said.  "In fact, if you're the king's sister, you could be an heir to the throne.  They might do worse than jail you."

"But you wouldn't let them, would you?"

Galben was silent, and his look was grim.

"We wouldn't let them hurt you if we could help it," Aelwyn said, "but we might not be able to.  After all, the king has hundreds of soldiers, and we're only two men."

"With a wolf-boy!  And a genius!"

"True enough.  But we still can't promise to overcome them."

"Then why are you going to the castle?"

Aelwyn and Galben exchanged a furtive look.  "So Aelwyn can tell the king what he thinks of him, to his face," said Galben.

Lydia stared.  "And you're worried about protecting her?"

Jojo gave an angry bark and leaped to sit by Galben’s foot.

"If he goes," said Nadia, "I go."

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

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