Let me be Frank (Gag Rule Included)

Review and discuss fan fiction short stories.
Falchion Wielder
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Let me be Frank (Gag Rule Included)

Postby Falchion Wielder » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:15 am

Awesome! (Wait for it... wait for it (the other shoe that is)...)

But I do wonder about the language used by Ortho during his prayer. Me... I could see asking for a miracle "RIGHT ABOUT NOW" on my way to the gallows. A young warrior, wizard in the middle ages having strong religious beliefs might be praying for deliverance, absolution, etc.

From time to time I yearn for a little of the olde English in the dialog. Increases the aura of temporal place, for me anyway. In any case I noticed that how he was saying what he was saying was a bit modern.

In all comely truth enjoy it all I did. In one reading no less. Aye, even to ignoring me dogs. (OK, I write crappy Elizabethan :oops: .)

Please do hurry in writing the 'wrap it up chapter' that sets the scene for the next tale! And, thanks. I love these characters.

FW
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Ortho the Frank
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Re: Let me be Frank (Gag Rule Included)

Postby Ortho the Frank » Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:46 pm

Thank you for the flattery! A request to hurry up and write more is one of the highest compliments a write can get, in my opinion.

Your comments on the dialogue is duly noted and added to my long list of things to address in the re-writes. In the early chapters, I ran the rough copy past Chris and asked him (among other things) to spruce up the Elizabethan dialouge if he say the need for it. Perhaps I should start doing that again.

Is the modern dialogue things something you've been noticing all along, or just in the last chapter? In other words, did I get it right (or at least good enough) in the earlier chapters?

Thanks once again for the input!
Falchion Wielder
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Re: Let me be Frank (Gag Rule Included)

Postby Falchion Wielder » Thu Mar 24, 2011 12:46 am

I did notice the more modern turn of a phrase from time to time in this chapter. A quick survey of the previous chapters (Evil Lynn Wood? A piker!) did not find any modern thoughts or statements by anyone other than Matt. So I think you've done well and attributed to Ortho exactly what you would have thought Ortho would think if he were you.

Let me be clear... I WAS caught up in the tale. Or, at least as much as I could be, reading a chapter at a time. The walk to the gallows was a particularly poignant moment for me (as I'm sure it was for him!) and perhaps I spent more time thinking through his experience. Then, naturally, I was looking for more modern phrasing, missing the Elizabethan, and finally decided to retrieve my password and comment.

You're entirely welcome for the praise. It is well deserved. Now... write damn it! :mrgreen:

BTW, did the name Montmartre come from the Moulin Rouge poster?

FW
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Ortho the Frank
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Re: Let me be Frank (Gag Rule Included)

Postby Ortho the Frank » Thu Mar 24, 2011 12:56 pm

No, actually, Montmartre was a minor character in the Her Majesty's Wizard and The Oathbound Wizard. In the first book, he remained loyal to the Queen, refusing to acknowledge Astaulf's claim to the throne, and consequently spent almost all of the book in prison.

In the second book, Alisande all but left Montmartre in charge of Merovence while she invaded Ibile, and Montmartre's son, the Marquis Sauvignon, had become the captain of Alisande's personal bodyguards.

I figured in the turbulent aftermath of the civil war, Alisande would rely heavily on nobles she was 100% positive were loyal to her to help run the government... so I yanked Montmartre out of the background and made him the one in charge of the sorcerer trials/witch hunt.

So why did I include Montmartre at all? Well, I admit it was mainly to give Matt a sidekick to bounce ideas off of during the investigation. (Now that I think of it, I should have used Sir Guy or Max...) At any rate, I worried Montmarte was too one-dimensional, but dad seems pretty happy with the character.

Any other feedback on the character, of course, would be welcome. :D

Now, where did Chris get the character's name? I have no idea. Maybe it was the Moulin Rouge poster! Maybe Chris could comment, if he remembers...
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cstasheff
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Re: Let me be Frank (Gag Rule Included)

Postby cstasheff » Fri Mar 25, 2011 9:37 pm

I did indeed take "Montmartre" from the poster, and from the night club/cabaret of the same name. It seemed to me that the district that gave birth to the counter-culture deserved a duke of its own. What it lacked in territory or population, has certainly been made up by the impact it has had on Europe and all her former colonies (including the Internet). Ortho's aim has been to expand upon the backgrounds of the minor characters, and I was very happy to see the noble duke given his just due, even if he had to wait 25 years for it.

Thanks,
CBS

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