Financial Freedom

Review and discuss Chris's friend' short stories.
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:18 am

Wow. Been SOOO long since I've read this story....

Here are the typos I found in CH 13:

every = ever

Miao Mercantile's super-freighter class were the largest civilian starships every constructed in K'Nes space

Agreed = agree

"I'd have to agreed," Heth nodded—or tried, rather. The sleek black K'Nes power armor felt stuffy and uncomfortable, and his movements were clumsy and awkward.

your = you're

"Bah! You're rats! No, rats are too big—your mice! A bunch of fat, puny rodents!

we = when

Sky Father must have scat in the black we he created your sorry tails!"

you = your

THE ONLY ASSETS YOU HAVE ON A BATTLEFIELD ARE YOU CLAWS AND FANGS


Will read 14 soon, maybe tomorrow and post anything I find.
The story seems to be moving at a pretty decent pace. Not sacrificing good detail for brevity or getting lost in the weeds trying to give too much info. I've seen otherwise good authors do both to otherwise good stories. Keep it up!
User avatar
Ortho the Frank
Site Admin
PostsCOLON 252
JoinedCOLON Fri May 21, 2010 3:57 pm

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby Ortho the Frank » Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:14 pm

Thanks, I really needed the encouragement. I was planning to self-publish his as an ebook (I commissioned cover art and everything), but am beginning to have second thoughts. I guess I'm worried about embarrassing myself if it's anything less than perfect; just my perfectionistic streak, I guess...
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:26 am

If you wait for it to be perfect, then you will never publish it. I forget which wise man said, "Let not the perfect be the enemy of the good." (It's usually attributed to Voltaire)

What do you want to get out of it? You of all people should know that to be a professional author, you must be prolific, which means full time, and if your work is not appealing to your audience, then no matter how prolific, you will not succeed.
I like the story. If you can maintain this quality of work, and write a lot of it, you can squeak a living out of it. If you can build up to an epic "space opera" or some such, then you may even be as successful as a Stephen King, a Piers Anthony, a JK Rowling, or a Danielle Steele. Most of these authors are very prolific in their genres, and tell good stories. Each (except Rowling) has had decades of practice, and has figured out what the target audience wants. Each (again, except Rowling) spent a lot of years living on a shoestring while building a large library of work.
Obviously, Rowling is an exception to the rule. I'm thinking deal with the devil, but it might just be an idea that was fleshed out over decades and finally put on paper one day, and struck a chord.
As for building libraries: I think the first book of Dr Stasheff's that I read was Warlock in Spite of Himself. It was handed to me by an attorney whose children I was babysitting, with the comment, " you might like this one, too..."
Well, after I read it, I hunted all over, and found old copies in used bookstores (by then, they were out of print, mostly, and could not be found in new bookstores - Which was okay, since I was a teenager, and didn't have the money to buy a bunch of new books anyway.) When I did go to a new bookstore, Dr. S's name was in my list of authors whose sections I would check regularly to see if anything new was out. If it was, serials came first, and his name was about third on the list of priority, behind Anthony (loved the Xanth novels - although they have paled, recently) and maybe Terry Pratchett or Terry Brooks. The point (i swear, there is one around here, somewhere!) is that once a fan "discovers" you, he's going to want to read all of your old stuff, too. It's like potato chips - When have you ever heard of anyone who has read "just one" Asimov or Heinlen? When an author comes out with a good one that gets good publicity, all of his old titles will see a spike in sales, too.
So. Even if you think your work is imperfect, ask a few friends, and take their opinions into consideration. When all of them say "It looks pretty good," then it's probably time to publish. Get the stories out there. Get your name into peoples' heads.
Take all advice with a grain of salt.

I should note that all of these successful authors had huge publicity machines driving their sales - This is because they kept churning out good work, and eventually, the publishers saw the quality of the work coupled with the ability to go to the well time and again. A great book is a great thing, but a publisher will not give it the attention it deserves if he thinks it's a one-hit-wonder; The return won't be worth the publicity campaign. If they see that the author can keep delivering great books, then they will invest the time and effort it takes to build the brand, so to speak. Then each successive book takes less effort to sell, as long as That Name is on the cover. So, don't expect success to come overnight, or even in this decade. Writing is grueling work! But without that decade of effort, success as an Author is a one-in-a-billion shot.

On the other hand, if you're only doing it because you like doing it, then just do it. Now and then I find some obscure author who has only written one or two titles, whose work I really enjoy - But they only wrote because the Muse spoke once, and have never had any desire to make a career out of it. A lot of times, an author such as this is fun to read simply because there was no deadline, no pressure - It was written just for the joy of telling a fun story. It's not glamorous or a road to riches, but it does bring a lot of pleasure to the fans.

Have to run today; Time for my meds and some bed rest.
Wayne
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:56 am

Only found one typo in pt 14.

particular = particularly

Heth didn't particular like having his mane cropped,


Still moving pretty well. Dialogue is good, and seems natural.

That's all I got today.
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Wed Mar 27, 2013 1:18 am

"poured" should be "pored"

he tried not to fall asleep as he poured over the Federation intelligence reports

"through" probably should be "that"

searching for any detail through would help him
User avatar
Ortho the Frank
Site Admin
PostsCOLON 252
JoinedCOLON Fri May 21, 2010 3:57 pm

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby Ortho the Frank » Wed Mar 27, 2013 12:54 pm

Thanks, kf6eml, I can always rely on you for encouragement (and that fact that anyone is reading this is encouraging). The biggest worry is that this segment would simply be dead boring. I tried to spice up the info-dumps with dialogue and humor, but have no idea how successful I was. Any honest feedback would be appreciated.

Don't worry, I'm not the type who gets defensive and angry when my work is criticized. I'm much more the type who says, "You're right, it's crap," and throws it in the fire.
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Wed Mar 27, 2013 6:12 pm

Sorry. It isn't my intent to be terse, it's just that I'm usually doing several things at once, and don't put nearly enough attention into the follow-up after reading something. I DO pause my TV when I'm reading, but I usually have at least half a dozen tabs open with various news or information pages at any given time. So, while I read the story and give it full attention while I'm reading, I don't put as much thought as I should into criticism. So, I've just stuck to the most basic proofreading.

Most of the time, I will get through part of the story and get called to do something like housework, a phone call, or whatever. So I have to leave and come back to it.

I do like the story, and it seems to keep moving right along. Pacing seems to be pretty good. I'd have to read it all at once, though, to get a true feel for it.
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Sun Jul 21, 2013 5:32 am

Time for bed, but I can spare enough time to point out the typos I found:

Heth noticed he lack of snow and ice on the ground

he = the


As they approached, Heth pretended not to notice as strode past a line of corpses

as they strode?


Heth was just beginning to wonder how the Brothers had wrecked so much havoc with only small arms

wrecked = wrought?


Otherwise, looks good. You did split an infinitive with a parenthetical, but I gave it a pass. It seemed to work.
Story seems to be drawing to a climax, though there are a lot of loose ends. Can't wait for the battle scenes and denouement!
User avatar
Ortho the Frank
Site Admin
PostsCOLON 252
JoinedCOLON Fri May 21, 2010 3:57 pm

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby Ortho the Frank » Mon Jul 22, 2013 1:19 pm

Noted, corrections made. Thanks again for the encouragement.
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

Re: Financial Freedom

Postby kf6eml » Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:00 pm

Moving along well.

Couple of typos I noticed:

If and when I meet your parents, I'll deliver these two them right away."

They hoped out, dug in the sandy soil, and… well, did what cats do in the sand.

the swarm reached their goal quickly.
mixed cases - swarm is a singular noun

That's all I found

Return to

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: 2 and 0 guests