The Great Star of 2 B.C.E.: A Fractured Christmas Fantasy

Review and discuss Chris's friend' short stories.
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Ortho the Frank
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The Great Star of 2 B.C.E.: A Fractured Christmas Fantasy

Postby Ortho the Frank » Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:00 am

Critiques? Comments? Suggestions? Put them here!
kf6eml
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Re: The Great Star of 2 B.C.E.: A Fractured Christmas Fantas

Postby kf6eml » Fri Jan 11, 2013 4:09 am

I liked it.
Only saw one glaringly obvious error: There's a \ at the end of one line.

Other than that my only quibble is in the sentence:

The star was lighting the street up with a lovely silver-golden glow.

Generally, you don't end an independent clause with a preposition. (An old English teacher told me that once - And then threw me out of her classroom when I remarked that this is why Santa was safe going into strange people's houses... They wouldn't be able to take him out... (or even just beat him up))

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

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