The Last Elf

Review and discuss Chris's friend' short stories.
kf6eml
PostsCOLON 213
JoinedCOLON Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:34 am
LocationCOLON Waldron, IN

The Last Elf

Postby kf6eml » Fri Dec 09, 2011 5:26 pm

I liked it.

Some proofreading notes:

Del took his time and carefully aimed his shot. With all the massive archer barrages failing to stop the machines, an arrow carefully placed could make all the difference. The elf watched, searching for the key target, undisturbed by the two arrows that had embedded itself in his tree. Finally, his eyes found the target he desired. One of the catapult's gunners was hiding behind a shield. He would have to come out from behind it to aim and fire the gun. <- goes from plural to singular

Tomas was sitting at one end, overlooking some charts, when he finally noticed he two standing there. <- should be looking over. "Overlooking" means not noticing.

"Small." Del was blunt. "Good construction, but poor materials. Would not last long under siege." The elf tasted one of the berries while the dwarf's color drained from his face. "Iit is well manned, however." <-double "i"

Del kept deflecting, but it took a lot to stay on his feet. Finally the dwarf fainted again, then swooped to catch Del’s feet. <- feinted
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Ortho the Frank
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PostsCOLON 252
JoinedCOLON Fri May 21, 2010 3:57 pm

Re: The Last Elf

Postby Ortho the Frank » Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:45 pm

Corrections made! Thanks again!

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