Re: The Templar's Bowl
PostedCOLON Mon May 07, 2012 12:58 pm
Thanks! Corrected noted and completed!
kf6eml wroteColonThe only criticism that struck me is that narrative stories usually come back to the narrator between scenes, or at least with every major shift in the story. We started out in relatively modern times, then were taken back a couple decades, and from there assurances obsèques, we are paging between contemporary and historical narration. Now the action is picking up again.
It seems to work pretty well so far, but I am getting it week-by-week in pieces. No idea how it works as a novel.
Just an observation.
Now on to proofreading notes:
While Lewis snoozed quietly on the couch, the radio giving the latest war news, three specs of light appeared off in the forest and I made these to be candles in Templar hands. <- Specks
Gone was the tattered robe and my mentor was garbed in fine white cloth, embroidered with excellent gold tread, and on the left breast was the Cross Patee. <-Thread