The Warlock Rewritten

As most convention-goers know, the ?dead dog? party is a gathering of the con committee and volunteers after the convention is over.  When I went to New Mexico, I met the dead dog, and am happy to report that he was alive and well, vigorous and very friendly, and his hindquarters were frequently out of line due to over-wagging.  He is a black Labrador mix, and his name is ?Jack.?

            Some philistines might argue that, being dead, he couldn?t meet me until after I died (which I don?t plan to do in the near future, and certainly not in my past).  It is therefore incumbent upon me to explain that, when barely out of puppyhood, Jack was orphaned ? I don?t know why, but I suspect a litter with two many puppies.  He was turned over to the animal shelter, and put on the bottom of the list of candidates for euthanasia.  By the time he came near the top, he had won the hearts of all the personnel so thoroughly that they couldn?t bear the thought of gassing him.  This happened two or three times, with Jack making it to the top of the list and being, therefore, officially dead ? the fact that he was physically very much alive doesn?t matter to this account.  Finally a volunteer remembered a professor at the nearby university who had recently lost a long-time canine companion and who might be ready for a new rescue.  The professor was introduced to Jack and, of course, they hit it off instantly.

            Jack started attending the university -- at least, for walks near campus.  He made friends of almost everyone who met him.  One day I stopped by the professor?s office and discovered a scene I hope never to forget ? Jack, lying on his side with one child patting his head, another his side, a third his forelegs, and a fourth his tail.

            So the dead dog is alive, well, and guarding his owner diligently.  Of course, there is the usual question of who owns whom, but in this case, most of us know the answer ? Jack, by this time, owns the whole university ? or at least, its hearts.