PETE'S PAGE
Short Stories and serial novels by my longtime friend, Peter D'Alessio.
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 A FRACTURED SANTA FANTASY: The Great Storm of ’11, a Fat Guy in a Red Suit, A Bunch a’ Frickin’ Reindeer, and the Day Fast Eddie McKnight Finally Broke the Sound Barrier.
Pete provided us with a Christmas Comedy about Santa, motorcycles, and a tiny town in upstate New York. NOTE: The humor is a bit raunchy, so it might not be appropriate for children or other sensitive readers.
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Part 1 (21 pages, 6,653 words)
A small town down on it's luck gets a brief reprieve when an ol' out-of-town geezer works off his community service by fixing up the police station's classic motorcycles... and they begin to attract tourists.
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Part 2 (19 pages, 5,571 words)
When a jaded Santa crashes his sleigh, he rigs up a motorcycle delivery instead—but needs a good driver to get around the world that fast.
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THE BOOZY BANSHEE OF BRANNOCK-A-BEND
In a contemporary comedy by Peter D'Alessio, when two retired NFL football players vacation in Ireland to research whiskey recipes, they get far more than they bargained for: an underground moonshine operation hiding in a small Irish town, a Mayor determined to keep power over the village by any means necessary, and the ghost of a dead pirate moonshine smuggler.
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Chapter 1: Mad Dash Irish Whiskey... More or Less (10 pages, 3,030 words)
Two fed-up NFL football players retire, run short on money, and concoct a less-then-legal plan to earn some extra cash - brewing and selling Irish moonshine.
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Chapter 2: Ish Kabibble, the Water of Life! (10 pages, 2,970 words)
Beau & O'Neil visit his inherited property in Ireland to discover it already has a resident - and has for a long, long time.
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Chapter 3: It Mus' Run the the Family (15 pages, 4,527 words)
An accidental explosion while Beau & O'Neil are setting up thier hidden bootleg moonshining operation reveals an ancient (and incorporeal) competitor.
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Chapter 4: You Go into the Fookin' Light, I Like It Here! (7 pages, 2,015 words)
Beau & O'Neil discover the local banshee, the drunken Brian 'Pegleg' Paterson, is a kindred spirit—of spirits!
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Chapter 5: Ya calls dis pro-gress? (10 pages, 2,850 words)
Fitz-Ryan the lawyer meets a ghost and a pair of thuggish brothers, and is frightened... of the brothers.
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Chapter 6: Father O'Football (11 pages, 3,109 words)
The USA Moonshine Team drafts Father O'Doul into thier ranks for the upcoming Moonshine in the Daytime finals.
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Chapter 7: The Old Mid-Field Double Reverse... Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle or Two of Five-Hundred-Year-Old Whiskey! (10 pages, 2,708 words)
The USA Moonshine Team launches a stealth marketing campaign promoting thier Mad Dash Whiskey in the Moonshine in the Daytime contest.
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Chapter 8: Ya Can Take the Redneck Out of the South... but Ya Can't Take Him into an Irish Bar! (16 pages, 4,642 words)
Beau loses a fight with a fish... but wins one against the Dougal brothers!
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Chapter 9: We Be All h'on the Same Side, Wantin' d'Same Ting (9 pages, 2,513 words)
The villagers celebrate Beau's victory over the Dougal brothers while Beau goes fishing and Mayor O'Malley plans his retaliation.
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Chapter 10: Shine, Shine, and More Shine! (10 pages, 3,265 words)
... also Fishing, Fishing, and More Fishing!
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Chapter 11: A Pernt a' Law, the Widder Browne h'an a Toouch a' da Sun (14 pages, 3,847 words)
Beau & O'Neil finally meet the Widow Browne, open thier own bar, and Beau strangles a horse. Sorry, no fishing this week.
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Chapter 12: Punt, Pass, and Kickapoo Juice (9 pages, 2,726 words)
The USA Moonshine team uncovers Mayor O'Malley's devious scheming, and why he want to marry the Widow Browne.
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Chapter 13: God v. Rockne v. Brannock-A-Bend (8 pages, 2,334 words)
Gaining Mayor O'Malley's confidence, Fitzy learns the secret location of the O'Malley's hidden still, then reports back to the American Moonshine Team.
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Chapter 14: Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes—There’s Only Enough Shine for One! (9 pages, 2,519 words)
Low-down dirty double-dealing Dougals cave in the Cave Inn.
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Chapter 15: Mantle, Mouse, and Finn (9 pages, 2,741 words)
Beau & O'Neil dispose of the Dougals brothers peacefully (sort of).
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Chapter 16: If a Little Is Good, More Must Be Better (8 pages, 2,543 words)
A fine 'shine needs a beautiful bottle - and Pegleg's been saving one for five hundred years for the right occassion. Meanwhile, Mayor O'Malley acquires new muscle to replace the Dougal brothers.
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Chapter 17: In Me h'own Werds (10 pages, 2,586 words)
As the Moonshine in the Daytime Festival begins and Mad Dash Whiskey is a hit, Mayor O'Malley's hired thugs strike a crippling blow at the Yanks' operation.
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Chapter 18: A Note to the Widder (1 pages, 149 words)
Beau invites the Widder Browne to a victory feast - of pike!
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Chapter 19: How d'Fook Would I Know tat d'Damned Leprechaun Was Hard a Hearin'! (10 pages, 2,910 words)
The Widder Brown & Father Sean stall at the stall while Pegleg & the Yanks obtain replacement moonshine to wow the crowd.
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Chapter 20: It's an 'onorary Title! (14 pages, 3,912 words)
The Moonshine Festival turns into a street brawl as Mayor O'Malley desperately fights to keep the Yanks from winning.
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CHUCKIE CHAN'S REVENGE:
Pete D'Alessio brings us a mystery where the ghost of famed detective Charlie Chan investigates his own murder!
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Part 1 (14 pages, 4,221 words)
Doc Boreese & Charley from Uncle Merl's Bar & Grill return to help Charlie Chan's ghost solve his own murder, helped by Charlie's less-than-competent great-great-grandson, Chuckie Chan.
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Part 2 (20 pages, 5,698 words)
Doc Boreese, Charley, Chuckie Chan, and Charlie Chan's ghost go to Las Vegas, determined to stop Gafak Yoseff & Nokt Tusoon Tamoon's cheating spree at the casinos.
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Genesis 3... Point 5 (10 pages, 2,809 words)
In a new comedy short by Pete D'Alessio, a serpent teaches a young monk how things REALLY went down with the apple in the Garden of Eden!
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THE GLASS MARINES
Light-years into deep space aboard a Malacan cargo freighter, Marine Sergeant Christopher receives a bizarre order: Make 185 Malacan aliens into United States Marines.
But the Malacans aliens are so... alien. Their culture, psychology, even physiology is so very, very different. What physical training standards do you use for a race that can do 200 push-ups with breaking a sweat, but can't do a single squat-thrust? Worse yet, the Malacans are a passive and docile species, with little or no sense of independence, ambition, or aggression. But the Corps don't want sheep - they want Marines!
With only three fellow Drill Instructors, century-old surplus weapons and equipment, and just eighteen weeks for Boot Camp, can Sergeant Christopher teach the meek and submissive aliens what it means to be one of the few and the proud?
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (5 pages, 1,133 words)
When humanity finally makes first contact with an alien intelligence, they fear an invasion. What ends up happening, though, is a bit more bizarre...
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (continued) (8 pages, 1,793 words)
A young Marine Sergeant is assigned as personal bodyguard... to an alien captain, on an alien transport ship.
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (cont.) (24 pages, 5,786 words)
Marine Sergeant Christopher experiences culture shock on the alien ship.
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (cont.) (29 pages, 7,346 words)
Sergeant Christopher discovers a thriving black market for Terran music on the alien ship.
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (cont.) (31 pages, 7,229 words)
Sgt. Christopher is ordered to train 1,100 aliens to become U.S. Marines... somehow...
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (cont.) (22 pages, 5,302 words)
The aliens get a surprise crash course in U.S. Marine basic training... with century-old weapons and the fiercest Drill Instructors the Corps has to offer.
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (cont.) (19 pages, 5,224 words)
Training is going well - until Sgt. Christopher realizes he catastrophically misunderstood his orders.
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The Glass Marines: Phase 1 (cont.) (27 pages, 7,164 words)
The DIs modify Marine training to accomodate alien biology and culture - with mixed success.
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The Glass Marines: Phase II (30 pages, 8,114 words)
Every Marine has a story - including Junior DIs Stone and Rojas.
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The Glass Marines: Phase II (cont.) (28 pages, 7,671 words)
Neither the rifle training nor the water survival course go quite as planned for the Malacan recruits.
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The Glass Marines: Phase II (cont.) (9 pages, 2,458 words)
Phase I of Marine Boot Camp winds down, but Sgt. Christopher worries that the Malacan recruits still lack esprit de corps.
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The Glass Marines: Phase II (cont.) (20 pages, 5,297 words)
The Malacan recruits finally show some fighting spirit... just not in the way the Drill Instructors had expected.
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The Glass Marines: Phase II (cont.) (25 pages, 5,953 words)
If you can't bring the Recruits to Parris Island... bring Parris Island to the Recruits!
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The Glass Marines: Phase II (cont.) (19 pages, 4,708 words)
Why are the alien Marine recruits so terrified of an eighteen-hour shore leave for R&R?
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (17 pages, 4,352 words)
The alien recruits conduct field maneuvers on the ship—literally. On the outside hull, to be exact.
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (cont.) (30 pages, 7,958 words)
Recruits Roach & Lewis risk getting themselves court-martialed before they even graduate Boot Camp.
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (cont.) (26 pages, 7,179 words)
The Recruits struggle to prevent the Army from finding the stolen goods.
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (cont.) (22 pages, 6,021 words)
The Marines realize the Army Colonel is leading Lieutenant Kelly into a sleazy trap—and, worse, she's a willing victim. So the Malacan recruits decide to take matters into their own hands...
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (cont.) (16 pages, 4,640 words)
After Colonel Tywell is humiliated by Marine Lieutenant Kelly, the Army is out for revenge. The short Malacan aliens make perfect targets...
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (cont.) (19 pages, 5,121 words)
As Roach and Arnold finally square off during Pugil stick training, the Marine Corps do public with the news of its extraterrestrial platoons.
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The Glass Marines: Phase III (cont.) (28 pages, 7,669 words)
Pressed by the Army into Shore Patrol duty, the Malacan Marines do a job no one will ever forget. The recruits finally graduate basic training... and a legend is born.
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The Glass Marines: Epilogue (16 pages, 4,680 words)
Badly outnumbered, the Glass Marines win thier first battle and the respect of their peers—but at a terrible cost. Worse, they're facing court martial—but the Marine Corps closes ranks around their newest members.
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A Midsummer's Knight's Ass (14 pages, 3,988 words)
In another comedy short from Pete, a retired knight fights an aging dragon, only to find they have more in common now in their old age.
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THE TEMPLAR'S BOWL
In 1942, German submarines prowled the Canadian coastline, searching for the lost Templar treasure... and its most powerful spiritual object, the Holy Grail. All that stands between Hitler and world domination are three ghosts of long-dead Templar Knights... and their newest recruit: the sickly, wheelchair-bound child Richard.
As his body lies in a coma, the Templar ghosts take Richard's spirit on journey through time as they train him for knighthood. Richard meets Crusaders and Hospitlars, Vikings and Saracens, Pirates... and, ultimately, Nazis.
Sailing a wooden longship, armed only with swords and catapults, can Richard and his ghostly allies protect the Grail from enemy U-Boats bearing gun-toting stormtroopers?
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Chapter 1 (13 pages, 5,617 words)
A reporter interviews a wheelchair-bound Professor of Medieval Archeology about the Knights Templar—only to realize he's stumbled across the story of a lifetime.
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Chapter 2 (10 pages, 4,115 words)
Dr. Thompson tells how he first met three Templar Knights... in Canada... in 1940.
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Chapter 3 (11 pages, 3,286 words)
Friar Hamet McCorvy tells the tale of how he became a monk... and Templar.
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Chapter 4 (15 pages, 3,210 words)
Templar Geofray Beaumond recalls how he once met Saladin outside Jerusalem, and received a precious gift from that legendary warrior.
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Chapter 5 (9 pages, 2,272 words)
Templar Theobor of Hamburg recounts the last bloody days of the Knights Templar.
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Chapter 6 (7 pages, 2,943 words)
Young Richard is initiated into the ranks of Templar Knights, and shown their secret treasure—but that is only the beginning of his journey.
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Chapter 7 (10 pages, 3,623 words)
Richard trains for knighthood by tagging along with his Tempar mentors throughout medieval history.
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Chapter 8 (5 pages, 1,815 words)
The ghosts of the Templar Knights bring Richard back from the brink of death to perform a vital mission.
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Chapter 9 (11 pages, 4,316 words)
As Richard's training continues, the Templar Knights bring him back from the brink of death to perform a vital mission.
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Chapter 10 (9 pages, 3,318 words)
Richard witnesses the Templar treasure fleet, following an old Norse map, sail West across the Atlantic to a new and unknown land.
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Chapter 11 (9 pages, 2,935 words)
Richard learns to captain a fleet from an unlikely mentor—the origional Jolly Roger himself.
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Chapter 12 (9 pages, 3,248 words)
De Flor trains Richard to become a sailor... then puts his life in danger.
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Chapter 13 (7 pages, 2,889 words)
Richard meets the Viking Askold and learns to sail his pirate dragonship.
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Chapter 14 (8 pages, 3,532 words)
Richard turns from a Templar into a Viking, attacks everything in sight, and eventually becomes the Captain of his raiding party.
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Chapter 15 (8 pages, 3,443 words)
Richard begins work on the pit to hide the Templar treasure, and discovers that their greatest isn't made of gold or jewels.
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Chapter 16 (8 pages, 2,974 words)
In 1942, there is a bizzare reason for German U-Boat activity off the coast of Nova Scotia - Himmler and the Nazi SS are trying to find the hidden Templar Treasure!
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Chapter 17 (5 pages, 1,986 words)
Richard and the Templar ghosts prepare to defend their treasure from the Nazis.
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Chapter 18 (7 pages, 2,935 words)
The Templars meet with thier Teutonic allies and prepare to ambush the Nazi invaders.
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Chapter 19 (6 pages, 2,363 words)
The Templar fleet meets an unexpected ally, then goes hunting for Nazi U-boats!
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Chapter 20 (7 pages, 2,768 words)
After the first battle between the Templar fleet and a Nazi U-boat goes south quickly and ends in tragedy, Richard realizes a change in tactics might be necessary.
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Chapter 21 (7 pages, 2,708 words)
As the invisible battle between Templars and Nazis rages, Richard and his Viking crew finally sink thier first U-boat.
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Chapter 22 (7 pages, 2,855 words)
Hitler sends out his best U-boat to find the Holy Grail... which it does, despite all the Templar's efforts to defend and hide it.
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Chapter 23 (10 pages, 3,923 words)
The final climatic battle for the Holy Grail on land and sea - Templars and Vikings and NAZIS, oh my!
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UNCLE MERL'S BAR & GRILL
Enjoy this comedic urban fantasy about dragons and demons, mortals and magic, vampires and... baseball?
Yes, supernatural sports fans, welcome to the opening game of the End-of-the-World Series! From the depths of the underworld, from the ninth circle of hell, please welcome the visiting baseball team – Satan and the real Hell's Angels! And now, from across all of time and space, from every season of every team in every city, please welcome the home team — the Hall of Fame Heroes!
So grab some peanuts and head to the bleachers with a few beered-up dragons to watch the best of humanity duel the demons on the diamond! The stakes are high, and the winner takes all — all the world, that is!
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Book Cover
Cover art by Bob Petillo.
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Chapter 1: A Little History & a Few Ground Rules (9 pages, 2,722 words)
A tale of 1960s Newark and little league baseball.
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Chapter 2: The Curse of Ruth (22 pages, 5,955 words)
Enter the dragons...
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Chapter 3: The Book of Max (10 pages, 2,763 words)
A Yiddish dragon revels the true history of baseball—and the world!
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Chapter 4: The Gospel According to Campy (11 pages, 3,021 words)
Jesus of Nazareth - boy, what a catcher!
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Chapter 5: One Wrong Move and We Kill Cleveland! (7 pages, 1,758 words)
Don't ever mess with a dragon's favorite baseball team. Just... don't.
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Chapter 6: Just another Friday Night—In Newark! (9 pages, 2,423 words)
Forget the dragons - it's time for some vampire hunting.
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Chapter 7: A Mystical Exploration of the Supernatural (or Cheap Gratuitous Sex, I’m not sure which!) (10 pages, 3,196 words)
Charley and Doc Boreese barely make to the safety of Uncle Merl's, and explain what the hell is chasing them.
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Chapter 8: Hammer of the Witches, or the '69 Mets: Either way - YOU GOTTA BELIEVE! (10 pages, 2,564 words)
After narrowly escaping a vampiric Red Sox fan, Charley & Doc Boreese discover they're also playing cat-and-mouse with a genuine Satanic witch.
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Chapter 9: One Celestial Rumba to Go, Please (a ring-a-ding-ding) (14 pages, 3,886 words)
Charley & Doc Boreese call the celestial tech support hotline.
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Chapter 10: The Devil, You Say! (10 pages, 2,824 words)
As if dragons and vampires weren't bad enough, now Lucifer himself is stepping up to the plate!
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Chapter 11: The Devil’s Due (So pitch him inside and don’t give
anything to hit!) (7 pages, 1,769 words)
The Devil tricks Doc Boreese into betting the fate of humanity on a baseball game.
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Here Begineth THE BOOK OF GAMES!
Game One: The Next Big Thing! (29 pages, 9,170 words)
The first game of the End-of-the-World Series goes well for humanity - until Ty Cobb gets his dander up.
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Game Two: A 'By-Line' in the Brooklyn Courier (5 pages, 1,320 words)
Game two of the End-of-the-World Series goes badly - for the team from Hell.
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Game Three: Ruth Built It - He Can Knock It Down, Too (12 pages, 3,716 words)
Only Babe Ruth could hit a homer off a four-armed pitcher in game three of the End-of-the-World Series.
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Game Four: The Return of the Georgia Peach (10 pages, 3,907 words)
Only Babe Ruth could hit a homer off a four-armed pitcher in game three of the End-of-the-World Series.
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Game Five: There Was a War... (4 pages, 1,123 words)
Humanity loses the fifth game of the End-of-the-World Series when they have to pick players from the 1940s... but there was a war going on back then that sucked up the best players!
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Game Six: A Good Call (5 pages, 1,429 words)
Humanity wins the sixth game of the End-of-the-World Series, tieing the score.
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Game Seven: Well! I Got Good News and Bad News (33 pages, 9,332 words)
Humanity is running out of eligible players for the final game of the End-of-the-World Series - but Merl find a loophole and puts together an unlikely - but powerful - team.
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The Final Conflict: A Snowball's Chance (16 pages, 4,344 words)
In the final pitch of the final inning of the final game of the End-of-the-World Series, humanity's future rests on the shoulders of... wait... who the hell is Eddie Gaedel?
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